


a psalm from the book of lies, a language you don't recognize

by reptilianraven



Category: Let's Play Cyberpunk Red - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: (i mean it's dark but not TOO DARK but kinda dark ya feel?), Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Gen, Mystery, Self-Hatred, metaphors and symbols for the experience of self loathing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/pseuds/reptilianraven
Summary: The nurse pushes all three of them out, her capybara doing the same for their daemons. As they all get pushed out, Vang0 can’t help but play over and over again in his mind the haunted way Specs saidNo. He can’t feel his daemon anymore. He can’t because the link between human and daemon was cut by some sick fuck, and now he can’t feel his own soul.Vang0 can relate. He hasn't been able to feel Bitty ever since he woke up in that warehouse without his memory.But the thing is that Vang0 didn’t die days later.So why are these people dropping like flies?-Vang0 woke up one day in a warehouse with his memory gone and the link to his daemon severed. Two years later, homeless people around Night City go missing then come back with their cybernetics gone and their daemon link cut, dying days later because of it. Dasha, Burger, and Vang0 are called to investigate, to find out what’s going on, and maybe, just maybe, find out what happened to Vang0 once and for all.
Relationships: Dapper Dasha & Vang0 Bang0 & Burger Chainz
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48





	1. genesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u dont have to have read His Dark Materials to understand this fic because i havent read HDM either ajshdkjsdas. all i know about daemon aus i absorbed from uh,,,other daemon aus. 
> 
> quick daemon au primer for those who dont know: all humans have a daemon, which is an animal that is basically the physical and external manifestation of that human’s soul. when youre a kid, your daemon can shift forms, but they normally settle in your teens. daemons can talk, but it is uncommon for them to talk to humans other from their own. daemon’s have separate but linked personalities to their humans. daemons can only go a certain proximity away from their human before it becomes painful, and too much separation can mean the link between human and daemon being cut, separated, and being separated from your daemon is fatal and has other terrible effects. i think everything else i explain in the fic itself.
> 
> links are in the fic of what everybodys daemon looks like. lastly, this fic is courtesy of tumblr user psychedemigod who gave me the fic prompt "cyberpunk but daemons?" and then i went wild with it.
> 
> enjoy!!!!

White isn’t Vang0’s favorite color by a long shot. It’s too basic, too much of a blank canvas that needs more pizazz before it can be anything worth looking at, but right now, his feelings on the color white move from vague distaste to hating it with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

The white of the hospital hallway he’s sitting in right now is too clean. Too clinical. Too much like these were walls meant to watch tragedies and crying loved ones and flatlines. Vang0 shifts the shitty hospital chair he’s sitting in, the thing creaking loudly, when Burger comes out of the room, [Damaris](https://www.horsemart.co.uk/upload/001_breeds/shetland-pony-357756_1920.jpg) following after him.

“Any luck?” Vang0 asks as Burger sits down. Damaris tries her best to stay close to the walls, tries not to take up too much space. Having a Shetland pony for a daemon, Vang0 thinks, must make Burger’s life hard. He never looks bothered though.

Well. 

Right now he looks bothered. 

“No,” Burger shakes his head, frowning. “Specs is...he’s in really bad shape.”

“He didn’t even go for your classic kind Burger charm?” Vang0 teases.

Burger doesn’t smile. He looks at Vang0, a deep sadness in his eye, and says, “I don’t think he’s going to survive the night.”

The sobers Vang0 up.

“Damn,” Vang0 says. 

“Yeah. Damn.” Burger sighs, leaning back in the creaky chair. He glances over to Vang0. “You feeling alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Probably because—” [Bitty](https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/southern-grasshopper-mouse-picture-id528167084) crawls out from where she was napping in Vang0’s jacket pocket, crawling up to sit on Vang0’s shoulder. Ugh. “—this job is _nasty_ close to what happened to us.”

“I knew that, asshole,” Vang0 grumbles. He swats Bitty off of his shoulder and she lands on the floor with a squeak. “I was _trying_ to be lowkey.”

“Hi, Bitty,” Damaris lowers her head to where Bitty fell. Bitty wastes no time hopping onto Damaris’ muzzle, scampering up to settle in between her ears.

“Damaris!” Bitty flattens herself against Damaris’ head, trying her best to look like the most despondent and mistreated grasshopper mouse in the history of the world. Vang0 rolls his eyes. “Vang0’s being mean to me!” 

“You’re mean to him back,” Damaris says easily.

“He deserves it!”

“You deserve to be punted across the fucking hallway,” Vang0 grumbles, crossing his arms.

Burger laughs quietly at Vang0 and Bitty’s bickering, and good. Good. Seeing Burger sad always pulls at the unfortunately still existent strings of Vang0’s heart. Burger deserves to smile. He deserves to be happy.

With a pang in his heart, Vang0 thinks that Burger deserves more than hi—

The door of the hospital room opens, and Dasha walks out. [Steel](https://www.lincstrust.org.uk/sites/default/files/styles/node_hero_default/public/2017-12/Fox%20%C2%A9JonHawkins0022_1.jpg?h=6a6ba37f&itok=idHUjS2O), her red fox daemon, trots to follow her. His tail is down. Sullen. 

“Did you get anything, Dash?” Burger asks.

“Nothing,” Dasha says quietly. Dasha’s eyes are always sharp, always looking at people like they’re jobs meant to be done. Now though, there’s something softer in her gaze. Sadder. Steel curls around her legs. “I don’t think he can help us. Plus, I think he needs some peace and quiet now, what with how this is probably the last day of his life.”

“Let me talk to him,” Vang0 says.

“No.” Dasha says.

“Dasha—”

“You make people _cry_ , Vang0.”

“She is right,” Bitty says. 

“You. Shut up.” Vang0 leans over to swat Bitty off of Damaris’ head, and she falls to the floor with another squeak. Vang0 stands, looking up at Dasha. “I won’t make him cry.”

“He’s on his deathbed,” Dasha says, sounding pained. “You’re going to stress him out.”

“Then come with me and make sure I don’t.”

“Vang0—”

“Come on, Dasha,” Vang0 clenches his fists open and closed. “You know I have a connection to this job. You know what I am is important to this case. What they’re turning those people into. I’m _like_ them.” Vang0 takes a deep breath, collects himself. Stay cool. Stay cool. “Maybe I could get something out of him.”

Dasha sighs. 

“Fine,” She says, poking him in the chest. “But be gentle. I mean it.”

“I will,” Vang0 nods. 

“Can’t wait to see how you’ll fuck this one up, Vang0,” Bitty says, scampering back up Vang0’s body to settle into Vang0’s jacket pocket. 

Vang0’s thwacks his pocket and ignores the squeak of indignation Bitty lets out.

The hospital room of Samuel “Specs” Porter is just as white as the hallway outside was. It’s not exactly a big room, and it’s a bit of a squeeze to fit three people and their daemons in, but they make it work. Vang0 stands by Specs’ bedside, right next to his heart monitor beeping a steady beat. On the other side of the bed, there is a clear containment unit for his daemon. A rabbit, curled tight into a little ball.

A rabbit that’s withering away at the edges, looking just hours away from turning to dust.

“Specs,” Dasha says. Specs, who is sitting up in his hospital bed, makes no reaction to signify that he’s heard Dasha. His face is pale, so are his arm, and he sits with his hand on his lap, completely still. Specs had a cybernetic arm, but it’s gone now. It was sloppily wrenched off of him, when the medics found him. He’s looking at the wall in front of him, gaze dead eyed and distant. “Specs, this is my friend, Vang0. He’d just like to ask you some final questions.”

“Questions?” Specs blinks. Slowly, very slowly, he turns to Vang0. In those eyes, there must have been life before. Now, Vang0 looks into them and sees a dark, endless cavern. Specs tilts his head, as if he’s just learned how to. “Questions.”

“Yeah, Specs. Just one question,” Vang0 says as gently as he can.

“No more questions. Please.” Specs says.

“Just one last, I promise,” Vang0 urges him, and Specs doesn’t say anything in reply, so he takes that as an a-okay to keep going. “It’s a different question. Is that okay?”

“Okay,” Specs speaks like an echo. Chilling and lost and only what is left behind. Vang0 tries not to let it get to him.

“Specs,” Vang0 says. “Can you feel her?”

“Her?”

“Your daemon?” 

“Daemon,” Specs says, eyes going even more distant. “Eudocia.”

“Eudocia, yeah,” Vang0 nods. “That the name of your daemon?”

“Eudocia,” Specs says again. “She’s gone.”

“She’s right here,” Burger says quietly, patting the containment unit where Eudocia lies.

Specs begins to start trembling. “She’s gone.”

“Specs,” Vang0 says. He needs this to get somewhere. He needs an answer. “Can you feel her?”

Specs takes in a ragged breath, then his face contorts into one of great pain. Like paper crumpling in on itself, a structure being destroyed from inside out. “No,” he rasps out. “She’s gone, it’s all gone.”

“Vang0—” Dasha says, but Vang0 can’t hear her over the monumental sorrow in Specs’ words.

“She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone, it’s _all gone_.”

The door opens, and a nurse comes in, harried. Vang0 vaguely notices that Specs’ heart rate monitor is pumping out a dangerously fast beat.

“I told you three not to stress him out!” The nurse hisses. “Out! All of you!”

The nurse pushes all three of them out, her capybara doing the same for their daemons. As they all get pushed out, Vang0 can’t help but play over and over again in his mind the haunted way Specs said _No_. He can’t feel his daemon anymore. He can’t because the link between human and daemon was cut by some sick fuck, and now he can’t feel his own soul.

Vang0 can relate. He hasn't been able to feel Bitty ever since he woke up in that warehouse without his memory.

But the thing is that Vang0 didn’t die days later.

So why are these people dropping like flies?

-

Here’s how it goes:

Dasha has a network of eyes and ears around Night City. Street folk, usually. Common types nobody notices. The kinds of people who can blend into the background and can get information without anybody being the wiser.

She pays them well, and in return, they hook her up to a steady supply of information, of word of mouth and hearsay, precious intel that has proven helpful many times on jobs that they all go on. It’s a good system. People get paid, the team gets their job done, and everybody is happy at the end of the day. 

Then people start going missing. 

Not all of them are from Dasha’s network, but they’re all the same sort. Homeless people, street drifters, wanderers. The kinds of people police don’t give a shit about, the kinds of people nearly nobody has any worry for.

Dasha was one of those people. She didn’t worry at first, when the disappearances started happening. After all, sometimes people just up and leave. 

She starts worrying when those missing people start coming back.

When they came back, walking aimlessly through the streets, missing any cybernetics they previously had, holding the limp body of the daemon loosely in their arms. They wandered the streets like ghosts, spectres—a lost, distant expression on their face as if everything in their life was ripped away from them. They walked the streets until somebody called the cops or an ambulance. Or they walked the streets until days later, they fell to their knees, and died.

Those people who came back never survived more than a few days. People who get their daemon link severed, the connection to their soul sliced and broken, never survive for long.

And yet here Vang0 is.

He sits back on Dasha’s couch, sighing. They’re in her apartment to regroup after that disastrous witness consultation. Burger sits in another chair, Damaris’ head on his lap, and he idly pets her head while Dasha paces up and down the room, Steel following her every step as she talks to Hypo on the phone.

“Specs wasn’t able to say anything useful. He was too out of it.” She says. Vang0 can only vaguely hear Hypo on the other end. Hypo was the one to give them the job, officially. He didn’t like that people in his community were getting offed in the worst way possible. He wanted them to get to the bottom of this. “Yeah. Yeah. I’ll call you when we have any leads.” A pause. “Thanks. You stay safe too.” She ends the call.

“So,” Vang0 props his feet up on Dasha’s coffee table. “Plan?”

“Plan later,” Dasha swats his feet off the table without even glancing down. Then, she takes a seat on another chair in the room and looks at Vang0 intently. “We need to talk.”

Vang0 looks to Dasha, then he looks to Burger, and he realizes that they’re sitting angled towards him.

“Is this an intervention?” Bitty says from his perch on Vang0’s shoulder.

“Not to agree with Bitty, but, uh,” Vang0 says, feeling the familiar prick of anxiety under his skin. “What’s up, guys?”

“Vang0,” Burger leans forward, and fuck, he’s using his ‘I am talking to a traumatized witness’ voice. The painfully gentle one that sounds like how a soft blanket on a warm day would sound like. Oh no. “I know you don’t like talking about yourself or your feelings but—”

“Right, and on that note,” Bitty hops down from Vang0’s shoulder. “I’m leaving.”

Bitty hops to the floor and makes off to beeline to the kitchen, but quick as lightning, Steel bolts to block her way. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Steel says, voice low and calm. “We have to talk to you too.”

“We need to talk to both of you,” Dasha says as Steel nudges Bitty back to the couch.

Bitty sits on Vang0’s knee, and both of them are cornered. 

“Alright, okay,” Vang0 says. “What do we have to talk about?”

“You said it yourself, Vang0,” Dasha says. Steel hops onto her lap, and she threads her fingers into his fur. “You have a connection to this job. Every victim has been intercised from their daemon somehow, and they die days later. Nobody survived intercision. Nobody but—”

“Nobody but me,” Vang0 mumbles.

“Nobody but you,” Dasha nods.

“I’m not an idiot, you know,” Vang0 says to the room at large. “The thought _has_ crossed my mind that whoever is doing this might be the same motherfuckers who did this to me.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Burger asks. Gently, gently.

Damaris means gentle, Vang0 remembers idly.

“What do you mean?” Vang0 squints at him.

“Well, er,” Burger scratches the back of his head. “Your past really matters to you so. Well. If these guys are the same guys who did this to you. Do you feel like you’ll. Well.” He gestures inconclusively. “Go rogue?”

“He doesn’t have the balls to,” Bitty says. 

Vang0 takes a moment to stuff her under a throw pillow.

“You can’t be serious,” Vang0 turns to Burger. 

“It’s an honest question,” Burger puts his hands up placatingly.

“It is,” Dasha pipes in. The sharpness in her gaze is back, and Vang0 can feel it. “You’re our friend and our teammate, but I need to know that if this job goes in a direction that might have answers for you, I need to know that you’ll keep your head on straight.”

Vang0 swallows.

He honestly doesn’t know if he can.

But for his friends? He can damn well try.

“I’ll follow your lead,” Vang0 says diplomatically. “This job means something to me, I won’t lie, but. You call the shots. I’ll follow.”

“Good,” Dasha nods. 

“And you, Bitty?” Damaris lifts her head up from Burger’s lap and looks at Bitty crawling out from under the throw pillow. 

“And me, what?” Bitty grumbles, sitting on the couch’s armrest.

“How do you feel?” Damaris asks.

“I feel like Vang0 needs to get punched in the face.”

“Bitty,” Steel growls.

“Alright, alright!” Bitty’s ears go flat on her head. “I’ll be good. I’ll behave for this job. Promise.”

“Alright,” Dasha turns to Burger. “Next question.”

Burger nods and looks at Vang0. “Did you, at any point in these past two years, ever feel like dropping dead?”

Vang0 shrugs. “No more than usual.”

Dasha does not look impressed. 

“I’m serious! I’m genuinely baffled that the others with my condition croak!”

“Tell us the story,” Dasha says. “Of how you woke up in the warehouse.”

“What?” Vang0 jerks back, as if burned. Bitty, on the couch’s armrest, makes a small, tiny whimper. “No.”

“I second that motion,” Bitty says. 

“It’s not important, it really isn’t.” Vang0 says.

“Super duper, no cool explosions, nothing streamable,” Bitty says.

Dasha, to her credit, waits until Vang0 and Bitty finish saying subpar excuses. Then she brings out the big guns.

“It could help with the case. It could help get answers,” She says.

Damn her.

“Fine,” Vang0 says, leaning back against the couch and looking up at the ceiling. He doesn’t want to see their expressions when he tells the story of the lowest point in his life. Alone, confused, _scared_. He tries to remember that day like looking at a picture. Detached and cold. Don’t go back there. Don’t go back. “Just—I woke up, okay? I woke up from the deepest fucking sleep imagineable. I couldn't remember a damn thing. Didn’t know where I was or who I was or what I was doing there. Head empty, no thoughts, cold and completely fucked up. Then I saw—”

“He saw me,” Bitty says, voice small.

“Was there a connection?” Dasha asks quietly.

Bitty crawls behind a throw pillow. Asshole. Guess Vang0 has to answer.

“I knew, logically, that she was my daemon,” Right now, he feels like he’s watching himself say these words. Not really saying them himself. “I knew the moment I saw her that I’m her and she’s me. But. But that gut feeling you guys talk about with Damaris and Steel? That tether you feel around your chest, that string that goes taut whenever they walk too far?” Vang0 exhales. Mechanical. One thing after the other. “I don’t have that. The line, the connection, whatever, it’s. It wasn’t there when I woke up. And it never came back.”

“And you have no memory,” Dasha presses. “No memory whatsoever of anything at all from before.”

“None,” Vang0 says. 

“Alright.” Dasha nods. Steel hops off of her lap and Dasha stands. “Here’s the plan for tonight. Operation Vang0 Bait.”

“Aw, come on, guys,” Vang0 whines, throwing a hand over his face. “You just interrogated me, doesn’t that mean I can pass on being bait this time?”

“Sorry, buddy,” Burger pats Vang0 on the shoulder. “Nobody would ever jump me.”

“And nobody would ever jump me either,” Dasha smiles. Because deep down, she must be evil.

“You really do make the best bait, Vang0,” Bitty says cheerily. “You’re the most pathetic looking out of the trio!” 

“And you’re the most annoying out of the daemons,” Vang0 bites back easily.

“Bickering later, children,” Dasha rolls her eyes. “It’s time to get this show on the road.”

-

Vang0, unfortunately, has the bait routine down to a science. He wears his rattiest hoodie, puts the hood up over his head, stuffs his hands in the pockets, slouches, and walks around the gutter streets of Night City like some nervous kid who’s past his bedtime. He walks around for a few minutes, leans against some storefronts until he’s shooed away, and generally just does his best to look like somebody who’s easy pickings. 

Forty minutes into the bait routine, and he’s got somebody tailing him. 

“Hey, I think I got something,” Vang0 says quietly, but loud enough for the mic on his optic monitor to catch his voice and send the transmission to Dasha and Burger where they’re camped out in Burger’s van a few blocks away. In the reflection of his optic monitor, he can see the man. Caucasian, maybe mid thirties, bald, no visible cybernetics, huddled up in black windbreaker. All those details pale to the fact that this man has the creepiest, most unsettling smile on his face. 

Bitty peeks out from Vang0’s hood and looks back quickly. “Oh, yeah, you’ve got something alright. A fucked up something, that’s for sure.”

“Lure him into the alley,” Dasha’s voice rings out in his ear. “Then stall. We’re on our way.”

“Roger that.”

Vang0 gives a subtle chase. He quickens his pace, he looks over his shoulder a few times, and he tries his best to act like the scared victim this guy thinks he is. 

In a few minutes, he turns and walks into the planned alley.

It looks like a dead end, but isn’t. There’s a little opening in the chain link fence where Dasha and Burger can come in and nab the guy, but the scared victim doesn’t know that. Scared victim sees the dead end and turns around to try and leave.

The bald guy is at the opening of the alleyway, blocking Vang0’s exit. Bingo.

Now it’s all stalling until the big guns get here.

“Uh, hey,” Vang0 says, pitching his voice to something nervous. 

“Hello,” Bald Guy smiles. 

Very, very, creepy.

“I’m just gonna scoot right past you and be on my way,” Vang0 tries to walk past him, but Bald Guy steps forward, all up in Vang0’s space. 

“Are you lost?” Bald Guy says. His voice is deadly calm. A twinge amused, even. “I can help you be found.”

 _Any time now, guys, this bald fuck is getting creepy_ , Vang0 thinks.

“Uh,” Vang0 steps back. “Sorry, not interested, I’ve gotta go—”

The man strikes forward like a viper, grabbing Vang0 by the neck, and pressing him against the wall violently. Vang0 chokes, hands going for Bald Guy’s strong grip, clawing uselessly as he gasps. 

The man just smiles peacefully and pulls down Vang0’s hood. Then Bald Guy stops, eyes widening.

“Zero,” Bald Guy says, awe in his voice. His smile cracks open, revealing teeth, making his expression just all the more unsettling as Vang0 tries to wrench himself out of his hold. “Oh, Zero, our lost child.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Vang0 rasps. 

“Zero. You’ve finally come back to us.” Then Bald Guy brings up his other hand and Vang0 winces, expecting a hit.

What happens is much worse.

Bald Guy cups Vang0’s cheek. His palm, completely flesh and blood, is cold against Vang0’s face, against Vang0’s body which is trembling in real fear now. This gesture, had it been Burger or Dasha might have been sweet, but with this man, it makes Vang0’s heart beat in thunderous terror. Bald Guy strokes his thumb against Vang0’s face, smiling his terrible smile the entire time. Vang0 needs to get away. He needs this man to stop touching him _now_

“Leave him alone!” Bitty bursts out of Vang0’s hoodie, biting Bald Guy’s hand. 

“Shame, you still have your shackle.” Bald Guy pulling his hand away from Vang0’s face, looking at Bitty who is attached to his finger by the teeth. Bald Guy whips his hand to the side, sending Bitty careening through the alleyway. The press of Bald Guy’s hand on Vang0’s neck, on his pulse points, is starting to make Vang0 lightheaded. His clawing starts to get weaker and weaker as Bald Guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a syringe. _Fuck_. “It’s alright, Zero. This time, we’ll make you _perfect_.” 

“No,” Vang0 gasps as Bald Guy moves the syringe to Vang0’s neck.

Then Burger comes out and tackles the guy to the ground.

Vang0 drops, gasping for air, feeling the blood rush back into his head, and he can’t pay attention to how Burger knocks the guy out. He can’t seem to hear Dasha come to his side and ask if he’s alright. Hell, he can’t even make out Bitty scampering back up to his shoulder and calling Vang0’s name over and over again.

All he can think about is how that man called him Zero.

How Vang0, in the back of his mind, is surer than anything that he’s been called that in the past he doesn’t remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that the cyberpunk game has this mechanic that the more cybernetics you have the closer u get to being an unhinged monster or some shit but i dont vibe with that implication that body mods or prosthetics make you less human so you know whats a scary villain? somebody completely, absolutely, flesh and bone
> 
> im [actualbird](http://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! come say hi or leave me a comment :D 
> 
> [like this fic? why not check out my other (not as fucked up) polygon cyberpunk red fics!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/works?fandom_id=45415864)
> 
> title for this fic is a lyric from [Close To Home by Vienna Teng](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDKenHHyUzw), a song that is very important to the vibes and themes of what this fic will turn out to be


	2. exodus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’ll make you perfect, this time, Zero.” Genesis says serenely. “We promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello!!! new chapter time!!! 4,4k of straight up pain, no chaser
> 
> that being said, **please** heed the following warnings for this chapter: christianity but in a bad cult way, gaslighting, panic attacks, flashbacks, multiple instances of a character being triggered, nonconsensual body modification (in respect to severing the daemon tie), images of drowning. 
> 
> this chapter is where it has to get worse before things get better. pls take care of urself
> 
> [if you want a soundtrack while reading this fic, this fic now has a spotify playlist! listen to it here!!!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/73LUoflYq1Pr3mckpnThEd?si=M9hN3yrwRTWuEj3hIgCHvw)

Dirt gray is a shit color, but alas, it’s the general color of Vang0’s least favorite hideout. Vang0’s address alternates erratically between five different locations at any given moment—because he’s a moody, naturally paranoid bastard like that—but this place, an abandoned convenience store on the outskirts of Night City, is where Dasha decided to set up shop tonight.

Vang0 sits on the dusty checkout counter, swinging his legs idly as he stress-scrolls through the forums. Bitty is taking a stress nap in the cash register, and Vang0 is wondering if he should wake her up for entertainment when Dasha comes out of the break room with Steel trotting to follow her.

Vang0 looks up at her. “He awake yet?”

Dasha shakes her head. “Burger knocked him out hard. He was real angry that that creep touched you.”

“I’m fine.” 

“You looked scared out of your mind.”

“No need to rub it in.”

“Vang0,” Dasha sits next to him on the counter. Often, it’s hard to tell what Dasha is thinking. What she’s feeling. Dasha’s a really good fixer, so she’s good at lying and putting on masks. Even when they’re off, she rarely gives things away. Not unless she wants to. Now, Vang0 can see the concern in her gaze clear as day. She wants him to see this. “Are you okay?”

“I’m—” Vang0 hunches his shoulders and looks down at his hands. An hour ago, these hands were clawing uselessly at a man who—who— “He knew me,” Vang0 clenches his fists. “He called me Zero. I was called that. Before.”

Dasha’s eyes widen imperceptibly. “You remember something?”

“No, it’s more like,” Vang0 opens and closes his hands. “Muscle memory.”

Dasha is silent for a moment. At her feet, Steel winds between her legs and curls around her. 

“He doesn’t have a daemon,” Dasha tells Vang0. He stiffens at that and looks away. “We checked. Nothing at all.”

“He’s a monster, then,” Vang0 says, voice vacant. “A monster who knew me, a monster who said he’d make me perfect _this time_. He and whoever he’s working with, they did this to me. _Broke_ me—”

“You are _not_ broken,” Dasha says firmly. Steel’s fur stands on end. 

Vang0 looks at her, taken aback, then sighs. “How are you so sure?”

“I just am.” Her expression softens. “Trust me.”

“Is that an order, boss?”

“It’s a suggestion,” Dasha rolls her eyes. “From your friend.”

“Hey, guys,” Burger peeks his head through the doorframe of the break room. “He’s waking up.”

“Alright,” Dasha hops off of the counter and watches Vang0 do the same. She says to him, “Hey, hang back a little bit for this one, okay? Let us handle most of it.” She squeezes his shoulder. “This one’s an order.”

Vang0 nods. “Got it.”

Vang0 follows her into the breakroom, right behind Steel.

He leaves Bitty behind.

-

Bald Guy is duct taped to chair, because as high tech as restraints have gotten these days, nothing can beat fuckin’ duct tape. His arms are taped together behind his back, his legs taped to the legs of the chair, his back straight, taped to the backrest. He’s got dried blood on his face and an already blooming bruise from where Burger punched him. He watches Vang0 as he enters the room, his gaze following Vang0 much the same way a predator looks at prey as Vang0 leans on the wall, far as he can from the man. His gaze doesn’t leave Vang0 at any moment.

Vang0’s blood starts pumping a little bit faster. 

Muscle memory.

“Alright, let’s get straight to business,” Dasha drags a chair from the side to sit in front of Bald Guy. She crosses her arms. “What’s your name and or alias?”

“Hello,” Bald Guy says slowly as he turns to Dasha and Burger. He doesn’t speak slowly like Specs, like he was trying to grasp for words. This kind of slow is deliberate. Intentional. “Are you Zero’s friends?” Vang0 stiffens at the name, but he tries not to outwardly react. “That’s fascinating. We were so sure he wasn’t capable of that.”

“Hey,” Burger says where he’s sitting on a desk. There’s a frown on his face and next to him, Damaris stands with her ears pulled back. “Answer the question.”

“Zero was so difficult. It’s a marvel you’re friends with him,” Bald Guy says, turning to look at Vang0 again. Vang0 can see Steel under the chair Dasha is sitting on. He begins to snarl. Damaris clops her hoof against the floor. Vang0 tries not to look at the man, but there’s something about his voice that urges him to behave. Vang0 meets his gaze and shivers. “Won’t you speak to me, my child?”

“What’s your name?” Vang0 asks.

“Genesis.” He says. 

Muscle memory is like a gut feeling, a well worn road that the neurons know even if they don’t know how they know.

The well worn roads across Vang0’s body fill him with a cold, icey fear.

Dasha leans forward, gets all up in Genesis’ face. “How are you separating people from their daemons? Why are you removing people’s cybernetics? Where are you doing it? Who are you working with?”

“In the beginning,” Genesis shuts his eyes and leans his head back in the chair. “God made Man and Woman. He made them perfect. He made them pure.”

“Is that the start of an answer, or are you just spouting bullshit?” Dasha is on the way to frustration, if Genesis doesn’t get to his point soon.

“The daemon—” Genesis says. “—only manifested after Adam and Eve took from the forbidden tree of knowledge. That knowledge festered in our minds, made us think to change ourselves, to destroy the Lord’s creation with metal and wiring.”

“Listen, Genesis,” Burger cracks his knuckles. “If you don’t start giving straight answers, I’m going to have to punch you again.”

Genesis continues, unperturbed. “The daemon is a reminder of sin. A shackle to our imperfection. We are so plagued by this imperfection that lost souls turn to technology to try and be perfect, but it’s futile. We are flawed. We made ourselves flawed.” He opens his eyes, looking straight at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. “But we can make ourselves flawless again.”

Burger sighs and gets off of the desk, rolling his sleeve up as he walks to Genesis.

“My brothers and I, we will bring people to perfection once more.”

Dasha raises a hand to stop Burger, and he hangs back.

“Brothers?” Dasha says. “How many?”

“Genesis, the beginning. Exodus, the escape.” Genesis grins. “Revelation, the end.”

“Working with two other people,” Dasha nods, leaning back in her chair. “Think they’re looking for you?”

“You know who we always looked for?” Genesis says, gaze going back to Vang0 once more. Vang0 can’t stop himself from flinching. “You, Zero.”

“Hey,” Dasha snaps in front of Genesis’ face. “Don’t look at him.”

“Our first and only success,” Genesis doesn’t follow Dasha’s order, raking his eyes over Vang0 as if Vang0 is nothing more than an object. “So close, yet so far.”

“Stop talking to him,” Burger growls, getting in Genesis’ way.

Genesis may not be able to see Vang0 now, but that doesn’t stop him from talking to Vang0.

“We’ll make you perfect, this time, Zero.” Genesis says serenely. “We promise.”

Vang0 walks forward. He gently pushes Burger out of the way and stands next to him and Dasha. He looks down at Genesis and tries to ignore how scared he feels, how much he hates that he doesn’t even know _why_.

“What you’re doing to people,” Vang0 says, “It kills them.”

“It didn’t kill me. It didn’t kill my brothers.” Genesis looks up at Vang0, but even then, Vang0 still feels trapped. “It didn’t kill you.”

“Whatever you did to me,” Vang0’s voice shakes in pulsing anger, in childlike fear, in _why why why_. “Took away all my memories.”

“You don’t need them,” Then, as if he had carefully chosen every word specifically to break Vang0 down, he says. “We are all you need. We are all you’ll ever need.”

Vaguely, Vang0 realizes he’s shaking. He realizes he can’t breathe. He realizes his mind is starting to go somewhere that isn’t where he actually currently is.

Burger lays a hand on his shoulder and Vang0 flinches back.

He runs out of the room. He leaves everybody behind.

-

Vang0 shuts himself in the bathroom, dropping to the floor and holding his head in his hands as he feels his breathing go faster, faster, faster. The bathroom is small and it seems to grow even smaller as he breathes in, breathes out, too fast, too small, too-—

_We are all you’ll ever need._

Muscle memory. The brain is an organ, a machine, a puzzle just waiting for triggers and solutions, and that was Vang0’s, he figures, choking out a laugh in between his ragged breaths. Vang0 is in the bathroom, a small bathroom, a bathroom with grimy tiles and dust and cracked cement but he’s here and not here. His mind plunges himself deep into an array, a kaleidoscope of scenes, cold and dark—

_They didn’t want you anymore, Zero._

Cold and dark. A cold and dark room, cracked cement, dirt gray, shivering, crying child. Crying to go home, please let him go home. Vang0 is in the bathroom but he’s also small and scared in the cold and dark and dirt gray, banging on the door, please, let me go home—

_Nobody wants you, Zero._

Gentle hands and gentle words, but so cold. Flesh and blood, here and not here, perfect and imperfect. Vang0 is lost at sea, each scene washing over him like a tempest stirring up the water relentlessly, crashing into him over and over and over again, helpless. He’s drowning. Vang0 is in the bathroom, but he’s drowning, that’s the only logical explanation for why his lungs won’t work, it’s the only thing that makes sense, the only thing he can think of until the next wave comes barreling in and—

_Nobody but us, Zero_.

He is strapped down to a table, trembling, skin crawling with terror. 

_You don’t need her anymore, Zero._

The string tied around his heart, it’s pulled.

He’s screaming.

And pulled. 

He doesn’t want to do this anymore.

And pulled.

It hurts, _please_.

And pulled.

He’s in a bathroom in an abandoned convenience store. He’s in a cold and dark room and he can’t leave. He’s alone. He’s with his Brothers. He’s here, he’s there, he’s nowhere. Reality and memory wash around him, crawl into every crevice and consume him, drown him.

_We are all you’ll ever need._

It’s pulled and pulled and pulled until—

“VANG0!”

Vang0 gasps, as if surfacing from a deep pool. He’s breathing raggedly, tense and shaking at the same time as he looks around the room. The bathroom. He’s in the bathroom and he’s—

He’s not alone.

“Vang0, are you with me?” Bitty says, perched on the sink. Her ears are flat against her head.

“I’m with you.” It takes Vang0 a few tries to get the words out. “What, uh. What happened?”

“You tell me,” Bitty says, nose twitching. “I was napping in the cash register when you slammed the door and woke me up. I got worried and squeezed under the door to find you in one hell of a panic attack.”

“Oh.”

“Are you okay?”

Vang0 folds his knees up to his chest. “I remembered things.”

“What?” Bitty perks up. “What did you remember?”

“Growing up in a cult,” Vang0 laughs, a little manic. He looks up to Bitty. “They raised us, Bitty. Bald Guy and two other bald fucks raised us in their little daemon hating cult.”

“Well,” Bitty says. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Vang0 thunks his head against the wall. “Fuck.”

“Vang0? Bitty?” Burger knocks on the bathroom door, voice very, very worried. “You guys okay in there?”

“Yeah!” Vang0 calls out. “We’ll be out in a few!”

Vang0 takes a few deep breaths, taking hold of the sink and hefting himself up. Bitty watches him with her ears pulled back, wringing her little hands.

She says, “We don’t have to go out yet. We can chill here for a while. I know the others won’t mind.”

“I’m fine,” Vang0 brushes her off, trying to ignore how his hand is trembling against the porcelain of the sink.

“Vang0,” Bitty narrows her eyes. “You can’t lie to me.”

“Yes, I can, actually.” Vang0 scoffs. “It just won’t work, and I’d appreciate it if you’d just take the hint like you’re supposed to.”

“Vang0, you’re hurt, you’re scared,” Bitty says. “You don’t have to keep doing this job.”

“I _said_ —” Vang0 slams his shaking fist next to where Bitty is perched on the sink. She doesn’t flinch, but she does snarl. “—I’m _fine_.”

Bitty stands up on her hind legs and raises her voice, “Stop fucking acting like such a difficult child!”

_Zero, you’re such a difficult child_.

“ _Do not call me that!_ ” Vang0 yells at her, voice loud but wavering. He’s breathing heavily again. His hands are trembling harder.

Bitty looks up at him with worry in her eyes, and he can’t look at her. He turns to open the bathroom door, storming out, and bumping right into Burger.

Vang0 flinches back like he’s never done with Burger. Fuck.

“Woah, hey,” Burger raises his hands, looking confused and concerned. “It’s just me.”

“Yeah,” Vang0 plasters a grin on his face. “Yeah, uh, sorry I lost my cool back there. Haha.”

“Vang0—”

“I remembered some stuff. Some intel. Can you get Dasha?”

“Vang0, you’re shaking—”

“Burger,” Vang0 hopes that his grin doesn’t falter. He hopes that his eyes don’t give anything away. He’s fine. He’s _fine_. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Burger looks at Vang0, really looks at him. He looks like he’s searching for something, in Vang0’s gaze. 

Vang0 figures he doesn’t find what he’s looking for, because Burger sighs.

“I’ll get Dasha,” Burger says nods, turning and walking away. 

Turning and leaving Vang0 behind.

-

They convene around the convenience store counter as Vang0 explains what he remembers. He glosses over the horrible details—how scared he felt in that cold gray room, how much it hurt when they strapped him down to that table and ripped him apart, how lost he felt when time and time again the Brothers would tell him that _nobody wants him_ —and just sticks to the important bits. He tells them that Genesis and his two other brothers raised Vang0, before he lost his memory. He tells them that they’re definitely the people who did this to him. He tells them that they’re doing it again, but this time with lethal consequences.

Burger clenches his fists on the counter as Vang0 talks, Damaris next to him curling her upper lip in stress. Steel, next to Dasha, has his ears pulled back, tail curled around himself protectively. But Dasha herself?

Dasha’s expression is all business. Unlike earlier, she doesn’t let any emotion show. 

When Vang0 finishes, Dasha nods. 

Then, she says, “You’re not talking to Genesis again.”

“What?” Vang0 says. “But—”

Dasha raises a hand to stop him, and continues talking. “You’re too involved in this case, and Genesis knows that. He’s using that to get into your head.” She crosses her arms, looking Vang0 with a steel gaze. “You’re not off the job, but from now on, you don’t interact with any more of these bald shitbags. Got it?”

“No! Don’t got it!” Vang0 slams his hands down onto the counter, leaning towards Dasha, not backing down. “Me being involved is a good thing. It means I have leverage, it means—”

“It means—” Dasha leans toward Vang0. A fox against a mouse. “—that he said the right words and gave you a panic attack. It means he knows how to break you down. It means he can hurt you. He did. And I’m not letting that happen again.”

Vang0 backs off, He runs a hand through his hair, laughing nervously as her turns to Burger. “Burger, you can’t agree with her, right?”

Burger slumps his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry, Vang0, but I’m with Dasha. I don’t want to see Genesis get to you again.”

“I can’t believe this,” Vang0 says, stepping back from the counter. “This is ridiculous.”

“This is an order,” Dasha crosses her arms. “Now are you going to follow it?”

“I—” Vang0 darts his gaze between Dasha and Burger.

Between his two friends. 

“Vang0,” Dasha pushes.

“Fine,” Vang0 grits out. 

There’s really nothing else to say after that. Dasha nods. Burger pats him on the shoulder. They both walk back into the breakroom, their daemons trailing after them.

They leave him behind.

-

Vang0 spends the first five minutes after they’ve left feeling angry. It’s a simmering vitriol that his friends would treat him like this, like some kind of breakable porcelain doll to put on the bench. Flames lick at his body from the inside out, anger feeling as if its charring his ribcage. That fires burns hot until the sixth minute comes in.

Until the water from earlier starts to drip into his chest again.

_They don’t want you anymore, Zero._

Vang0 covers his ears with his hands.

_Nobody wants you, Zero_.

“Shut up!”

“I haven’t even said anything yet, sheesh.”

Vang0 whips his head up and sees Bitty sitting on the counter in front of him. Her words are careless, but her gaze is still careful. Vang0 hates it. 

Bitty scuttles closer to him. “I’m sorry for freaking you out awhile ago.”

“It’s fine,” Vang0 sighs, rubbing his hands over his face.

“It’s not fine, Vang0. _You_ aren’t fine,” Bitty says, pained. Bitty lays her tiny hand on Vang0’s arm. “I know we aren’t the most amicable of pairs, but you’re hurting. I can’t feel it, but I can see it, and—”

Vang0 pulls back, away from her touch. He says, “What do you want?”

Bitty rears back, ears pressed against her head.

Vang0 says, “Please just tell me what you want from this conversation so that I can give it to you.”

Bitty sighs. She says, “I want to know what your plan is. I head Dasha tell you not to talk to Genesis anymore, and I want to know if you’re actually going to do the smart thing and follow her or if you’re going to be an idiot and do something stupid.”

Vang0 crosses his arms, “It won’t be stupid.”

“Vang0, you can’t—”

“I _can_. I need to talk to him again.”

“He’s going to eat you alive!”

“Then whatever!” Vang0 yells. “Who cares! Boo hoo, I feel hurt, what a fucking tragedy! What matters is the goddamn job!”

“I hate it when you do this,” Bitty grits out, voice searing with anger. Now anger, Vang0 can handle better than concern. Anger, Vang0 can fight against. “I hate it when you act like you don’t matter. How do you think that makes me feel, asshole? I’m _you_.”

“You’re me, huh?” Vang0 barks out a humorless laugh. “Then we’re both fuckups.”

Bitty flinches back, as if struck, but she surges forward and gets right up in Vang0’s face as she yells at him. “Do you think I chose this? Do you think I _want_ to be a daemon who can’t even exist right?” She laughs, too much like him. “Do you think I _want to be you?_ ”

Vang0 leans back. Water filling up his chest. 

“Wow,” Vang0 breathes out. 

“Vang0,” Bitty steps back. “I—”

“Not even my own daemon wants me,” Vang0 starts to laugh, manic at the edges. “God, I’m just amazing, aren’t I?”

Bitty goes to touch Vang0’s arm. “I was just angry, you know I didn’t mean that, I’m—”

“Shut up,” Vang0 yanks his arm away from her. “For once in your fucking life, shut up. You meant it, I know you did, and you know what? I feel the same way.”

Bitty freezes. “What.”

“You don’t want me?” Vang0 smiles at Bitty. “Congratulations, I don’t want you either.”

“You did _not_ just say that.”

“I did,” Vang0 tells her calmly. “And I can’t lie to you.”

Bitty narrows her eyes at him before spitting out “Fuck you. We’re done.”

She hops off of the counter, and Vang0 doesn’t care to look at where she goes. She leaves him behind. 

He should get used to it.

-

When Dasha and Burger come out of the breakroom, the frustration etched onto their faces tell Vang0 that Genesis must not have been very useful. Dasha says they’ll take the rest of the night off in shifts and regroup in the morning for a plan—figure out whether or not they should turn Genesis over to the cops or maybe use him as bait to lure out the other two. Vang0 volunteers to take first watch, and the moment he says that, Dasha frowns at him, but she doesn’t say anything. Vang0 has a feeling she knows he’s going to go against her order.

He has a feeling she wants him to figure out that it’s a bad idea on his own.

Vang0 waits until Dasha and Burger and their daemons are all truly asleep in the aisles of the convenience store. Once he’s sure they’re not going to wake up and stop him, he goes into the breakroom.

Genesis looks exactly the same since Vang0’s last seen him just hours ago. Still bald, still smiling, still looking at Vang0 as if he owns him.

“Hello, Zero.” He says slowly, tilting his head in fascination. “You’ve finally come to speak to me, my child?”

“Yes or no,” Vang0 says, trying to take control of this conversation from the beginning. “I’m going to ask you questions and you’re only going to answer with yes or no. If you try to go on a biblical tirade, I’ll fucking punch you. Understand?”

“Yes,” Genesis says, amused.

“Did you and your brothers raise me?”

“Yes.”

“Did you kidnap me from my family?”

“No.”

“What?” Vang0 clenches his fists. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Genesis laughs. “I thought you only wanted yes or no answers, Zero. You’re so difficult, you know that?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Vang0 grits out. “Answer me in as many words as you fucking want, asshole, just give me an answer. What happened to my family?”

“I find it fascinating that you’re curious about your family, all of a sudden,” Genesis muses. “I know why, of course. You’re looking for people who may want you. But my brothers and I have told you time and time again that nobody wants you, Zero. Nobody but us.”

“Don’t say that,” Vang0 can’t stop how his voice breaks a bit at the end.

“You want to know what happened to your family?” Genesis tilts his head up and looks at Vang0. The lights illuminate his bald head like some sick kind of halo. “Nothing. Nothing happened to them. They gave you away, Zero. Nobody wants you. Nobody but us.”

“Shut up!” Vang0 takes a few steps back, breathing heavily. “ _Stop fucking saying that!_ ”

“It’s alright,” Genesis says coolly. “I know it’s hard to accept, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can come back to us. We are all you’ll ever need.”

Vang0 is silent save for the sound of his harsh breaths. He knows he’s having another panic attack, but instead of being thrown into his memories, he’s stuck here in his body, in this room, in this real nightmare.

The lights begin to flicker.

Genesis grins.

“It’s time to complete your transformation, Zero.” Genesis says. “It’s time to get rid of that shackle you hate so much. It’s time to become perfect.”

And then the lights blow out completely.

“What the fuck is happening?” Vang0 looks around the completely dark room, his eyes not yet adjusted to the lack of light. Outside, he can hear the shattering of the other lights in the convenience store. “Genesis, what the _fuck_ is happening!?”

“I’ve told you the beginning,” Genesis says, voice sounding so much bigger, so much scarier in the dark. “Now it’s time for the escape.”

Vang0 runs for the door, but right as he gets his hand on the knob, he gets tackled to the ground by Genesis and the chair he’s taped to.

They both hit the floor, Vang0’s head making contact with the ground _hard_.

His head is spinning, breathing still ragged, but he can hear commotion from outside. He can hear the familiar sounds of combat followed by the spine chilling sounds of Dasha gasping in pain, he can hear the bang of several gunshots followed by the heartwrenching groans of Burger getting hurt. All the while his friends are fighting outside, Vang0’s vision swims, and his eyes adjust to the dark. He wishes they hadn’t, because all he can see is Genesis on top of him, smiling.

The sounds from outside stop. 

Silence.

Then, footsteps.

The door opens. 

It’s not Dasha or Burger. It’s the vague silhouette of a man from Vang0’s memories. Another bald man with another terrible smile. Another man that knocks Vang0 out of his daze and makes him scramble to get away.

“Hello, Genesis.” The man says as he sets Genesis upright and cuts him free from the duct tape with a laser.

“Hello, Exodus. Right on time.” Genesis stands, ripping the remaining pieces of tape off of his body.

Exodus’ eyes travel to where Vang0 is on the floor, and his face all but lights up. 

“Our lost child, finally found.” Exodus crouches down to get closer to Vang0. Then, he raises his fist, and in his iron grip is an unconscious and limp Bitty. “I knew this shackle seemed familiar.”

Vang0 can’t speak. He can’t move. He can barely breathe. He feels trapped in his own body and outside of it at the same time. Water is filling up his chest. He’s drowning.

“It’s time to come home, Zero,” Exodus says, gentle putting a hand on Vang0’s face.

That hand fists a handful of Vang0’s hair, and he pulls violently, bashing Vang0’s head against the wall.

Vang0’s world goes dark.

It goes quiet.

Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im [actualbird](http://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! come say hi or leave me a comment :D 
> 
> [like this fic? why not check out my other (not as fucked up) polygon cyberpunk red fics!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/works?fandom_id=45415864)


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